The transition welcomes back football in all its glory. It also brings cooler temperatures, which is wonderful for fat guys like me, and gives Alex Garrison a reason to wear the skinniest of skinny jeans. But most importantly, fantasy football is back. This league has been the reason I get up in the morning, not my kids or family, and certainly not my job. While you now have a small glimpse into the sad reality I call my life, I'd be willing to bet that some of you feel the same way.
It's Week 1 of the Christman Cup Chase, which means it's also Week 1 of the 2018 NFL regular season. This weekend's games are to be celebrated the way we celebrate the end of any great drought, with a smorgasbord of wings, beer and watching as much football as possible. This isn't the preseason. We don't have to watch third-string players who will never grace a fantasy lineup anymore. It's time to watch the stars we drafted play an entire game and go all out. Can you feel it? That electricity in the air? That's the static used to power JW's telegraph machine.... and it's also a little big of the excitement of a new season.
I can only text 10 people at a time, god damnit!
It also means that for the last time, everyone is on the same level. After this weekend, half of the teams in the league will be digging themselves out of a hole while the other half try to continue to mount a lead to get one of the four coveted playoff spots. Some teams are better than others, and if you think you have a crap team, enjoy being tied for first place with a 0-0 record while it lasts.
Game of the Week:
Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers
We're about to see if Aaron Rodgers is worth the gazillion dollars the Packers have paid him. Not that he's not good, because he's very good, but because he's going into this season without a ton of firepower on offense. He has DeVante Adams and Jimmy Graham, of course, but Graham isn't the same guy who was catching touchdown passes in New Orleans, and outside of Adams, the wide receivers aren't a lot to write home about. Tom Brady has made a career out of turning a bunch of nobodies into somebodies, but we've yet to see Rodgers do it.
On the other side of the field are the Bears, who come to Green Bay boasting a solid defense, a great offensive line, one of the league's best run games, and a young quarterback who is looking to prove he's worth the number one overall pick from a couple years ago. They also have a new coach who is more offensive minded and has been able to put points on the board in the past.
Who's playing in this game?
Jordan Howard - Jason G
Trey Burton - Jason G
Tarik Cohen - Dean
Geronimo Allison - Jason G
Jamaal Williams - Alex
Allen Robinson- Casey
Anthony Miller - Alex
DeVante Adams - JW
Jimmy Graham - Mandy
Aaron Rodgers - Pat
Randall Cobb - Pat
Recipe of the Week:
Celebrate the beginning of a new season by making a football finger food classic, with a healthy twist. Baked Garlic Parmesan Chicken Wings, for those of you who love wings but also want to avoid fried meats. Find the link here. For those of you that are just fine ingesting a ton of fried chicken meat, go to BW3 for some solid wings and service with a smile!
gotta admit, that looks fuckin' gross
Let's get to the preview.
Barrow is a Njoku at Prior to the Snap
Casey opens the league boasting one of the best starting duos of running backs in David Johnson and Leonard Fournette, but they'll be going up against Alex's solid duo of wide receivers in Michael Thomas and Stefon Diggs. Alex's running backs, Derrick Henry and Jamaal Williams won't hold up against Casey's ground attack, and unless both Thomas and Diggs have big games, as well as tight end Greg Olsen, Casey probably takes this Week 1 matchup with ease.
Line: Casey -5.3
Prediction: Casey 125-114
Ham and Scrote Cheese Sandwich at Dental Damnation
JW and Mandy start off the season in a matchup between the young and old quarterbacks. JW is starting the Chiefs Patrick Mahomes while Mandy is sticking with old man Tom Brady. It's also a battle between two of the highest paid and talented wide receivers in the league. JW has OBJ and mandy will be starting AB, both of whom are capable of monster fantasy numbers. JW has had his thumb on the rest of the league when it comes to a spot in the playoffs for a few seasons now thanks to some keepers, but now without Bell or the first pick in the draft, his team is a little more human. I think Mandy exploits that this weekend.
Line: Mandy -6.3
Prediction: Mandy 116-99
Finkle is Einhorn vs Dolla Dolla Bills About Da Benjamins
Pat and Jason are in the battle of age versus not having much age as well, but at the wide receiver position. I'm talking, of course, about Jason P's Kelvin Benjamin and old man Larry Fitzgerald vs Pat's Cory Davis and Tyreek Hill. On top of that, there's the battle between two future hall of fame quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers and Ben Roethlisberger. I think it's going to be a close matchup, but I'm going with experience over age and beauty. Jason P takes this one.
Line: Jason P -3.1
Prediction: Jason P 104-97
Extra Regular Style vs Rocks Rocks Preview
Let's get this out of the way, Cory's team is ridiculous. He has the defending OROY paired with Zeke at running back and the guy who would have won OROY had he not gotten hurt at QB. He also has two solid TEs in Walker and Ertz. Ken has Hopkins and Gronk, but it's not going to be enough to take down Cory in Week 1.
Line: Cory -7.6
Prediction: Cory 129-105
All Barkley No Bite vs I'm Pablina's Bitch
Kyle has Cam, who can put up 20 with his legs, as well as Barkley, who is going to get a ton of carries, though they'll come against a top defense. He also has Kelce at TE. Phil has Julio, Cooper and a healthy Luck, but unless Luck posts great numbers, his RBs are too outclassed to win this week.
Line: Kyle -0.3
Prediction: Kyle 109-102
Deanie Baby vs Burton Ernie
Dean is relying a lot on the Bengals as well as Luck being Luck again by starting Mixon, Ross, and Hilton. He does have Hunt and a future HOF QB in Brees, though. I'll be starting CMC, Howard, Green, and Baldwin, but my quarterback and tight end situation my be a little shaky.
Line: Jason G -2
Prediction: Jason G 114-111
As you can probably tell, I wasn't quite prepared for football season to creep up on us the way it did and I've been suffering from a nasty case of writers block. That's what happens when a couple kids come out and stomp on your soul and shit on your dreams. I love those little fuckers, though.
As the season gets going, these will get better, I promise.
Week 1 Haiku
Football is back now
No bets for hot wings this year
Our balls have dropped off
I wish you all the worst of luck.
-Jason G
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