Week 4 Preview
After 3 weeks of play there’s only one unbeaten and one thoroughly beaten. Everyone else is somewhere between the Official Land Cloud of the CCL and Philatio’s Power Bottom of a team. Week 4 marks the beginning of the dreaded Bye week, but this week doesn’t look to be particularly painful for the CCL as only the Panthers and R-Words on Bye. Both of those teams could use a week off to figure out how to pass the ball downfield. As for the CCL, there’s still a whole lot of season left to figure out who’s a contender and who’s a pretender. If Princess Beyonce wore Quincy Carter's jersey, then absolutely anything can happen. Let’s take a look at Week 4:
Finkle is Einhorn (1-2) vs. Dental Dam Nation (2-1)
Pappy is still reeling from that Le'Veon pick and the decision to bench his QB1 last week. To make matters worse, Handy will be trotting out Le'Veon’s more than capable replacement as well as arguably the two best wide receivers in the NFL. Pappy will need the Patriots to keep forgetting that they’re the Patriots in order to avoid a 1-3 start. ESPN has Handy pegged as an 11.8 point favorite, which is ironic, since she’s typically the one doing the pegging in her household.
Prediction: Handy treats Pappy’s team to an ole fashioned Alex Garrison Special.
DollaDollaBills BoutDaBenjamins (1-2) vs. Barrow is a Njoku (1-2)
This will be the only matchup of 1-2 teams this week. There’s a big difference between 2-2 and 1-3, so this matchup will be particularly intense. Personally, I’m terrified of Pierce’s running backs, especially since mine have underperformed or been MIA. It looks like we’re both Bye week-free and will be at full strength this Sunday. ESPN currently predicts a 0.2 point victory for Barrow is a Njoku, so this one may go down to the wire Monday night.
Prediction: No fucking clue; will pray for victory.
Nothin but a Jimmy G Thang (1-2) vs. Extra Regular Style (2-1)
I feel for Jason this week. There’s no doubt in my mind he’s been listening to “Nuthin’ But A G Thang” constantly since the moment he drafted Jimmy G. Probably on the way home, after a long day of work, during that fleeting moment of serenity before he got home and put on his dad cap. For heaven’s sake, he’s starting Joe Freakin’ Falco at QB this week. Is he Elite? No, he most definitely is not. All signs point to a comfortable victory for Alex Garrison’s favorite sexual position. Run CMC is on Bye and Cory’s playing extra regular defense this week in starting a Ravens WR.
Prediction: Extra Regular Style cruises to 3-1.
Deanie Baby (1-2) vs. Coop a loop . (0-3)
I can’t focus on anything but Phil’s shitty looking team name. “Coop’a’Loop” should be a cool, fun team name that plays off Amari Cooper’s name and a memorable scene from Old School. Instead, it looks like something a meth head etched into his arm while jones’ing for that next hit of that sweet, sweet blue.
As for football stuff, Deanie Baby is still feeling the loss of Joe Mixon, while Phil has benefited tremendously from Tevin Coleman and TJ Yeldon filling in for the ailing Freeman and Fournette. That may change this week with Fournette maybe, possibly, potentially returning to action. ESPN predicts a less than one point spread without Phil fielding a full lineup. We’ll see if that changes between now and Sunday.
Prediction: Nice Dean will get a nice win this week.
Gonna give you that bad JuJu (3-0) vs. Rocks Rocks (2-1)
I don’t think we’ve seen a father-son battle of this proportion since He Got Game. I might need DJ to Facetime me on Sunday to get a look at Kenthousand and his Mountain Yeti son watching these games. Personally, I got Kenthousand all the way in this matchup. There’s no way Storey has been able to focus on anything this week but his big movie premiere on Friday. I mean, that's him up there trying to count to four. No matter what happens this weekend, we’re all winners cause Storey’s movie looks amazing and we’ll finally find out which mountain he walked down before becoming a part of our lives.
Prediction: Storey will be celebrating his movie’s first weekend ticket sales, while rubbing a hole through his shirt as he takes that L for the first time this season.
Ham and Scrote Cheese Sandwich (2-1) vs. Prior To The Snap (2-1)
In any other week, the Clash of the Storeys would be an easy pick for Matchup of the Week, but we’ll soon find out this isn’t any other week #Part2Teaser. While he still hasn’t figured out what his team name should be, JW3 is currently a 24 point favorite over Alex G. Chris Thompson, the key piece in the deal that sent all of Alex G’s good players to Handy’s side of the bed, is on Bye. With Devonta still on the mend, Pegasaurus R(al)ex will be starting two backup RBs and Blake Bortles against one of the top teams in the CCL. Unless he can trade for a whole new team between now and Sunday, I don’t see this going well for third coolest Garrison in this league.
Prediction: Scrote Sandwich gonna eat this week.
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